“Does feminist mean large unpleasant person who’ll shout at you or someone who believes women are human beings. To me it’s the latter, so I sign up“
– Margaret Atwood
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Feminism, a word misinterpreted for decades, a label, very rarely imparted from kindness of the heart, an insult that will make ‘a not so thick-skinned soul’ cringe at the mere mention.
What is feminism?
Well, its certainly not about hating men or anti-men!
In short, its women demanding equal rights and opportunities for all sexes and to be treated as equals.
It’s a fight against misogyny, deep rooted in some minds.
A fight against the idea that a woman should be content with earning a part of what a man earns for the same job. An unacceptability of the belief that women are meant to bear children, raise them, scrub and clean and be submissive. Besides the last bit, it should be a choice, not a rule. It’s asking for equal ‘Cerebral Opportunity’.
Feminism is rejection of the beauty norms enforced on us for generations- a woman has to be thin, wear the right clothes, right makeup, not too slutty but neither a prude, keep your hair long, and not to mention the carnic judgements on body hair and shorts vs petticoats.
If you ask some, an ‘ideal lady ‘must be modest, god fearing, a virgin till she gets married (while a man must sow his oats in million places before he is tied down) and definitely docile. She must be groomed from the day she is born to be an ideal wife and a mother. Feminism is a fight against these thoughts and beliefs.
In my words, it’s a demand (which I feel is our right) not to be treated like trash.
Aren’t theses normal and fair demands?
Then why this hatred for feminists and the word feminism??
It really got me thinking.
Is it because feminism is associated with strong women and some are still unacceptable of such women?
Does this hatred hail from fear that women will sabotage their power, control and opportunity or might even take control of the world?
Or is it to do with the fear of breaking the deep rooted religious and traditional beliefs and altering of pre-set gender roles? This might be scary and wrong to many!
But whatever the reason for this hatred, isn’t it unjustified?
I find it so difficult to accept that egos can be so fragile and insecurities can be so high, that you take away opportunities, freedom and choices, from another human!
Once at a dinner, a ‘very dear friend’ reacted rather aggressively to my remark that ‘Workplace opportunities should have only one criterion and that’s capability and efficiency’. He snapped, “You women get pregnant and want maternity leaves and early exits. You have menstrual cramp leave days. Its disruptive and unfair to us men.”
I am sure he is not the only person who thinks like this.
Well, we do bleed for minimum 5 days a month, every month, and if we get a little leniency for that (which more often than not doesn’t happen) please don’t be envious. It’s a very uncomfortable 5 days.
Yes, we do get pregnant and we do grow a human inside us for 9 months and go through constant backache and bloating and morning sickness and swollen feet and hours of labour, where our vagina expands to a million times its size to pop a baby out. If that wasn’t enough, we at times have a deep cut on our abdomen and uterus (I am sure other parts too) to give birth. It’s called C-section.
Pregnancy, child birth, menstruation cycle is all biology. Nothing to do with our capability or our eligibility to get that promotion.
As for maternity leave, Men get that too now – and kudos to that. I just wish more of you would take that leave.
I cannot even fathom the pain a woman goes through when she loses an opportunity at work just because she chooses to have kids or simply because of her sex!
This inequality is not restricted to work place. It’s there at home, at restaurants and even stores. This inequality is so ingrained in our society that it creeps up every now and then. Worst is, it come up in men who do actually believe or are trying to believe in equality for women. Let me give few examples:
- When a man has to travel for work, all he needs to do is inform. But a woman has to make sure that if she has to travel, everything from house to kids to plants to pets is organised, and then it should suit the man’s schedule too. It’s a story of so many houses.
- How many home- makers are asked, “But what did you do whole day?” You will be surprised at the number! FYI- a home-makers job is tough and draining. And by asking her this, you have hurt her pride and dented her self-esteem once again.
- In so many houses, where both are working, why is it that a woman has to cook the food and do house hold chores? She worked as hard as the man. No? Even if it a house with multiple help, why does she have to instruct them and make sure all is in place? Its stressful too.
- Go to restaurant and the bill is handed to the guy always. Why? Who decides who pays. Just keep the bill in the centre of the table!
- Go shopping and the sales person says- ‘he will really like you in that dress.’ or ‘want to ask him how you look?’ Why? I want to look good for myself and this should be normal and accepted.
- After working the entire day, you are tired, and a respectable elderly says,’ Your husband will be home soon. You should dress up for him’. How many women turn around and ask- “Is he going to freshening up for me on the way too?” Well, dressing up for your partner should be a choice, not a gender biased compulsion.
There are a million stories like this. These incidents happen constantly, most of the times subtly, and slowly they chip away our self-respect and pride. This is what feminism is against. This is what feminism wants to change.
Many times, I have heard people say, ‘you feminists want it all!’
That not true. Feminism doesn’t say this. Human nature does.
It’s normal human psychology to want it all…
I am a feminist. Yet I don’t mind someone taking care of me once in a while.
I do cry when things get overwhelming.
I am independent and I like to be in control, yet I let go in certain aspects of life.
As I drive my car, I listen to cheesy Bollywood songs and I also love dancing to “munni badnaamm hui…” and “chikni chameli…”. They have a catchy tune. And what beats!!
I like pink and gold and red
I love dressing up and pottering around the house.
I am clueless when it comes to mechanics of automobiles and electrical wires but I have mechanics and electricians on speed dial.
Despite what I say and how I act and what I write, I love men. Some of them are my very dear friends. I do pause in admiration for few seconds when I see a beautiful man with eight packs in a Vogue magazine, before I flip over.
All very contrary to what the typical perception of feminists are.
I am a feminist because I don’t want to be treated like shit for being a woman.
I am a feminist because I know what feminism truly means. And so, should you!
Lots of love,
Divya.
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Very well written Divya. Many retable examples
What an article! So so relatable and have many similar examples in bag. Hoping that people understand what feminism truly means.
Beautiful Article! 👌