Parenting A Teenage Boy
This was published in TOI Blog. Link is below:
“The ogre does what ogres can
Deeds quite impossible for man”
A teenage boy is, for the most part, that insane creation of nature which is neither useful for aesthetic purposes, nor for creative ones. In other words, he is useless, unhygienic, self-destructive, generally irrational, sometimes outright idiotic and always boisterous. Yet, despite all of this, some of the greatest advances in human history are the product of teenage boys turned young men. There was hardly ever a Rockefeller, a Newton, or an Elon Musk who wasn’t a result of inspiration as a teenage boy- as a youthful idealist.
A man goes through many phases throughout his lifetime, but before you know it he reaches the phase where he can say:
“One day I’ll look back at life,
At the opportunities that I missed
And realized I never truly lived
All I did was just exist”
The truth is, by the time a man is in his 30s, he’s usually violated his own principles, his moral intuition, his creative integrity so often that he can’t stand philosophy or introspection. His default state is to live in denial. The only people that can live a truly content life are those that have stuck to the philosophical framework and values they hold dear as spirited youngsters.
The truth is, you can’t own your teenage boy forever, all you can do is expose him to different philosophies, to all the beauty in the world around him, and to the values you hold dear. You have to let him build his own from there, and if you’re lucky, you might just raise a John Stuart Mill or an Art Garfunkel. You might just raise the übermench; the pinnacle of human potential that is capable of both utter mayhem and immense greatness.
The alternative: to micromanage your boy’s life. To assume he can’t think for himself. To convict him off thoughtcrime when he disagrees with you. You’ll keep him alive alright, but unless he’s a real maverick, you’ll raise a douchebag with a desk job and a suit.
There are really only two types of parents, there is Robin Williams from The Dead Poet’s Society that teaches boys to “live deep and suck the marrow out of life”, and there is Mr. Nolan who sends a record number of students to the Ivy League, but has never helped build a man.
“In my suggestion, be cool and go with the flow, enjoy the journey and understand your teenage boy!”
Divya.