The Milky White Bahu they all wanted
This heading, I am sure has a lot of you wondering, what I am talking about.
If you grew up in Bihar, like me, you would be familiar with the term ‘Milky White’. It’s an unfortunate assimilation of words which means a girl so fair that she resembles the color of milk…
Every time a boy’s marriage got fixed, the parents would come to invite with a box of sweets and clothes for the family and in most cases, a beaming smile would be followed by the comment,
“Ladki ek dum milky white hai.” (The girl is extremely fair).
It seemed they had hit the jackpot!
At times the invite was followed by an uncomfortable look exchanged between the parents of the boy, who would soon after announce, that the girl has a dark complexion. And they have fixed the marriage mainly based on the family she comes from.
I do wonder, why was the fact that the girl is extremely intelligent, highly educated, earns as much as the boy, if not more and is an absolute stunner, been totally negated. Why is the color of her skin the only consideration…
It’s just not weddings and finding daughter in laws for their sons, it extended to child birth too.
I remember so clearly. I was 9 or 10 years, and my aunt had a daughter, and like good relatives we went to see and bless the child, bearing gifts…
Before my mother was even done with the greetings, an elderly of the family announced,
“Bacchi ka rang thoda daba hua hai.” (the girl has a dark complexion).
Soon after another one said even more disturbing lines that implied – the family needs to start saving for her wedding from now and must be ready for disappointments. If one had to read between the lines, the girl will find the shittiest of grooms because she is dark skinned.
The child is hardly 2 days old and based on her skin color, her whole life resembles a doomsday prophecy!
This whole dysfunctional and illogical concept that “beauty is always fair skinned” is so deep set in some minds that no other aspect carries that much importance.
As I grew older, similar comments were made about boys too. ‘The groom is dark skinned’ or ‘the new born boy is not so fair.’ But I still feel, that where boys were concerned, the color shaming never took over their lives. It was a one-time comment, and it was over.
Having a penis made it all better!
The cruel obsession with color has created a hierarchy in beauty standards- the fair skinned person is at the top and dark-skinned person is at the rock bottom. The rest can be put in any category as one might see convenient.
This hierarchy has compelled the grandmas and maasis and chaachis to come up with remedies for the dark skinned unfortunates.
‘Put besan with malai’-(put a mask made of gram flour and butter)
‘Drink kaccha dhoodh every morning’-(drink unboiled milk every morning)
‘Add Kesar in youe milk and drink’- (add saffron in milk and drink)
‘Do random fasts and diets’
There are some remedies for pregnant women to have fair children too.
My thoughts- where the hell did science go?? These are all educated people!!
So deep-rooted is this obsession with ‘Gori’ women (fair skinned), that even kids have fallen prey to it. My horrifying experience is, when I was in grade 9 and my opposite house neighbour’s daughter, who was in grade 5, told me on the way back from school, “My grandfather has only one criterion for a bride for my uncle; she needs to have milky white complexion”.
At that age, I was shocked and disgusted by that comment. But now I wonder, what does it take to instil such beliefs in an eleven-year-old. I know my neighbours were and still are educated, nice and kind people (just take away their love for unreasonably fair brides), so they couldn’t be doing this to be evil. Then why a girl’s education, her nature, her features (if one has to totally go for looks), her career never a consideration?
Every time I visit home, I am very tempted to ask them. Maybe someday I will.
My faith kept dwindling in these ‘milky white bahu’ seekers as I grew older. The last straw was when my father was told, “You have three daughters, but thankfully all three are fair, otherwise, how would you have managed to get them all married.” My father smiled and walked off. But his smile said it all (translation- your comments are not even worth responding to).
Although I have never met this person after this, his words do haunt me.
Did he realise that he had in a minute dismissed our education and careers and brought it all down to our skin color? Did he realise that he was actually telling a father that he will have to buy grooms for his daughters? Did he realise that he had so blatantly announced that girls are inferior to boys? Did he seriously feel he had just complimented my parents for passing on that ‘good genes’ to us three? Was he really that foolish?
Well! There are some questions that will always remain unanswered in my mind;
Why is it so difficult to understand that colour of the skin is what you are born with and any color is beautiful?
My advice, no matter what color skin you have, carry yourself with grace and confidence. It would destroy so many stereotypical beliefs.
Kill it with your swag! 🙂